June Thoughts

 Happy Wednesday and happy June first! 

I'm writing an actual post for the first time in months! If you've been following this blog at all (first of all, thank you!

I appreciate you and your dedication!) then you know that I've hit a bit of a dry spell recently. My depression has been pretty bad these past few months and while I've been flourishing at my creative writing, my blog writing hit a dead end. I know what it is. My words on here felt meaningless and pointless. I think that's the depression talking, convincing me that there's no point in me being on here even though for the past few years I've loved writing on this blog even back when only one or two people read it. In 2020 I started writing more about faith stuff on here, which was great and I hope I touched people through those posts, but over the past few months (even in 2021) I've been struggling with my faith a little. I'm in a better place now, but it was shaken at the end of 2020 and the start of 2021 and since then I've been rebuilding it little by little. Or more, God has been rebuilding it for me. There's no way I could have rebuilt it or held onto it all by myself. I've missed posting on this blog weekly and I want to get back to that. I'm tired of believing the lies the depression and enemy have planted in my head telling me that what I write on here doesn't matter and that I have nothing important to say. It's just not true. God gave me the gift and love of writing for a reason. I think He not only gave me the gift of writing to write fantasy books but also to use my writing to express my faith and share Him too. Out of everything, that is the most important thing, to use our gifts to share God and to bring Him glory.

I've recently gotten back into reading Hannah Brencher's Monday Club letters and Grace Anne's Tuesday Letters. They've always been such an inspiration for me. I absolutely love everything Grace Anne writes and I'd one day love to be able to do what she does with her Tuesday Letters. They're a blessing to me and to so many others. For now, though, I've decided that this blog is kind of like my Tuesday Letters and I want to be more consistent with it again. It felt like the right time with the first day of June landing on a Wednesday. From August 2020 to up until the last few months, I had been trusting in God to give me the right words to write on here every week. Writing on my blog for all those months and trusting Him to give me the right words grew our relationship and my faith in amazing ways and I want to get back to that.

Since I'm still finding some inspiration for this, I saw that Grace Anne did this challenge last month called the OneDayMay challenge. Pretty much it just gives you prompts and things to write about. I know it's June now, but I figured why not use some of the prompts for this blog to give myself a launching pad. The first prompt is this month I will...

It made me think about how I spent May. I felt pretty lousy the first two weeks. I got sick another week and had moments where I felt like nothing would ever get better. The end of the month, though? It was beautiful (if a little hectic). We bought a new house and sold this one, did a lot of rushed packing, and went for a lot of walks while we had showings for our house. I felt lonely for some of the month despite having found community at our new church, but as always, God showed up. In the past two weeks, I've been with this church group a ton. This introverted writer has been out and about a lot more than she's used to. I went to an AJR concert, went to a Memorial Day party, helped serve at church, and then afterward went out with friends. On Friday I'm going to another party and on Saturday I'm hanging out with a good writer friend. All of that is much more than this introvert is used to at all. For years, I honestly didn't get out much. I was content with my one or two friends. I sort of put myself in a bubble and never strayed from it. The past two years have forced me to step out of that and to be purposeful in finding community.

I didn't put any extreme pressure on myself to write this month either. For the first half of it, I felt so not great that I didn't have the mental energy to beat myself up over not getting the right amount of words in or not editing as much as I should have. Then the second half of the month we were so busy hurrying to clean up the house and pack and I was going out with friends so much and started a new job that I didn't have time to put the pressure on my writing either and honestly, it's been really nice. I've been able to get what I can done without feeling like I haven't done enough in a day.

That's what I want for my June. All of it (besides the feeling awful for a few weeks of the month). I want to prioritize community and spending time with friends and family. I want to go out to parties and concerts and just do fun things even if it scares me a little. I want to write and edit without beating myself up if I didn't get enough done. I want to prioritize rest time and give myself a break when - and if - I need it.

This month I want to go for more walks and soak in the sun.

I want to be intentional about community and get to know new friends better.

I want to write things that make me happy.

I want to be more hopeful and optimistic and trust in God more easily.

I want to finish out my final semester (my last class starts at the end of this month) well and without too much stress.

I want to pour out into this blog every week the way I used to and find new words to share on here.

Really, I just want to enjoy the little things. Enjoy the little things more and worry less. That sounds like a good plan to me.

I don't know what lay ahead of you this month of June, but I hope it's something great and I hope you take time to rest and find time to do things you love and enjoy.

What is something you're looking forward to this month?