Turning 24!

 Happy Wednesday! 

Today is my birthday, so of course I have to do a post all about twenty-three and turning twenty-four. Honestly, I struggled a little with the thought of turning twenty-four. It feels too close to twenty-five and twenty-five just doesn't feel real. Turning twenty-four doesn't feel real either. Does this mean I'm in my mid-twenties? Because I'm not ready to be in my mid-twenties. I don't have enough of life figured out to be twenty-four haha 

But just because we don't want to turn a certain age doesn't mean its not going to happen, so here we are and here I am at twenty-four. I've said this before on here, but birthdays to me feel like stepping into a new year. Turning a new age is our own personal new year days. We get a whole year of growing and changing ahead of us when we turn a new age. 

I wrote this back in December when I was feeling way more contemplative and had been thinking a lot about the coming year and my birthday: 

23 was for grieving, hurting, questioning and healing. It was for stepping out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, deepening new friendships. It was for saying goodbye and saying hello. It was for learning to say yes even when it scares me. It was for becoming obsessed with Tiktok, discovering new favorite books and shows, for finishing reading the entire Old Testament and leaning heavily on God and not on my own feelings to get me through the hard times. 

Out of that paragraph, two things stand out to me the most. I learned to say yes even when it scared me. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone in a lot of ways. I went to several different college church groups even though I get so anxious meeting new people. I said yes to late nights out with friends even though, again, staying out too late makes me anxious. I said yes to hosting a Halloween party with some new people I didn't know very well from our church (again, something that made me slightly anxious). I said yes to becoming a youth group leader even though I was super nervous and felt like I couldn't bring anything to the table. Some of those things worked out... and some of them didn't. But because I said yes to all those things and pushed myself out of my comfort zone and didn't let my anxiety rule my life... I can go into 24 willing to try new things and meet new people despite my anxiety. I'm not so scared to say yes anymore and just dive into something even if I feel unqualified, unworthy or afraid. 

The other thing is not depending on my feelings remind me I'm saved or of my faith. This was really hard for me and it took reading the Bible and listening to sound doctrine to realize that just because I don't feel God or close to Him, even if I feel distant and like I'm going through the motions, that doesn't mean I'm not saved. My salvation and faith isn't dependent on my feelings. My feelings are ever changing, but my God isn't. I went through a lot of 2020 feeling spiritual and close to God and wanting experiences with Him. It makes me unhappy to even write those words to know that in 2020, yes I was still saved and still honestly seeking God... but I was also wanting all the feelings that went with it and I thought that if I didn't feel God or feel close to Him anymore that that meant I wasn't saved or a real Christian. I'm glad God showed me the fault in those things and showed me the truth. Whether or not I'm saved, whether or not I have faith and whether or not God is with me is not contingent on having experiences with Him or feeling close to Him or even feeling spiritual. That is what God taught me the most out of 23 and for that I am so thankful. 

I went through all of my blog posts after March and leading up to this year and wrote down all the things worthwhile to mention that I did during twenty-three. 

During twenty-three I... 

Wrote several first drafts. 

I published the first two books in the Archive Series. 

I got my driver's license. 

I got to read some new books and watch some new shows. 

I went to the movie theater so much! 

I stepped out of my comfort zone. 

I got to see the Jonas Brothers in concert. 

Made memories with friends that I'll always remember. 

Rode on a boat for the first time. 

I got to see my best friend in person! 

Became a small group leader. 

Learned to play Magic the Gathering. 

I started a Tiktok. 

I finished reading through the Old Testament almost all of the New Testament. 

It may not be as exciting or thrilling as someone else's year... but I think twenty-three was pretty great and I'm thankful and excited to start twenty-four and see what God has for me. I'm praying for new community, for opened doors, for courage and that my faith will grow. I'm looking forward to publishing two new books, making new friends, saying yes to new things, graduating college, hanging out with friends, and writing lots of new books. 

On a different note though, I'm having a birthday themed as the Night Court from ACOTAR and here are some pics!