Finding Rest

Happy Wednesday! 

Does anyone else have trouble letting themselves rest? In October I wrote the first draft of Desert Flower and then in November I wrote the first draft of Project Xion. I've been editing and revising Emerald Phantom for months and now have been editing and revising both Desert Flower and Project Xion the past two months too. When I wrote Desert Flower I was just so excited to write something I love again and to be so passionate about it. I was so excited to have discovered a fantasy world that I really loved and enjoyed writing that I couldn't help but write Project Xion. And now I got an idea for another book set in the same world and decided to start on it... and it's not going exactly as planned. Writing this book isn't as smooth as Desert Flower or Project Xion. It feels a bit like pulling teeth at times. And yet I feel like I need to push myself to keep writing it. I feel like if I don't do any writing in a day that my day was a failure or that I was unproductive that day. My thing is, when a book starts to be more stressful than fun, it's time to take a break and reevaluate. But then if I don't have a writing project to work on... I don't feel like my day was productive. 

All that to say, rest is hard for me. I feel like if I let myself rest for one minute, I'll fall behind. I always feel like I have to work ten times harder than everyone else all the time because that's the only way for me to keep up. Maybe that comes from years in school having dyslexia and learning disabilities and knowing that I have to work ten times harder than everyone else to succeed at school. But either way, it doesn't really matter because now I find myself not being able to let myself take a break from writing or rest. I'm so scared that if I take a break from drafting, I'll forget how to write. I know that's silly and I know there are ways to keep up the practice of writing without having to write a first draft, but it's one of my biggest concerns. 

But on Monday I was reminded that this is Christmas week! Of all the times to take a break and rest, this is the week to do it. I'm off school and this week is full of Christmas-y/family and friends things. And beyond even that, this week isn't about any of that. It's about Jesus. It's not about writing. It's not even about Christmas or family or friends. It's not about reading lots of books or watching as many Christmas movies as you can. It's about Jesus and remembering and celebrating what He did for us. That He came down fully man and fully God one night to grow up and save us from our sins. That's what this week should be all about. That's what we should be finding rest in. It's really hard for me to get out of the pattern though and I've found that it's hard for me to let myself rest and take a break. 

As this week goes on though, I don't want to remember it as passing me by because I was so worried about trying to get stuff done or stressing and brooding over my writing. I want to remember it as a week that I focused and remembered Jesus, that I spent with family and friends having fun and celebrating. This week isn't a week for worrying or stressing. It's for celebrating Jesus and having a fun Christmas. 

I watched an interview with Nate Buzolic (a Christian actor) and he was saying how Jesus doesn't promise us an easy life. He doesn't promise us safety or wealth and prosperity and all the good things of this world. But He does promise us peace. That reminded me of the importance of resting in His peace and how I want to do more of that not just this week, but throughout this new year. Life will never be easy but Jesus gives us a peace we can feel and have any time we want. All we have to do is go to Him. 

So, this week, shed all your worries and stresses and doubts. Don't worry about meeting goals or writing every day. Just lean into the peace that we can find in Jesus. Soak up time with family and friends and Jesus. Give yourself permission to rest this week. That's what I plan to do. 

Do you have trouble letting yourself rest? What are some of your favorite things to do to let yourself rest?