Trusting and Timing

 Happy Wednesday! 

The week after I got my wisdom teeth out I realized that there's been a prominent theme woven throughout this year. God's been doing a work on my heart and has enabled me to shift my mindset this year. It's not because of the wisdom teeth surgery but because I had panic attacks for the first few days after I got them out. My mind wouldn't stop racing. I would tell my mom I can't stop thinking about things and when she asked what kind of things I said literally everything. Everything you could possibly worry and think about... that's what my brain was forcing me to think about on a constant loop. It wasn't until a few days after when I felt my brain trying to start it up all over again and I was doing some positive self-talk that I realized how much I've grown. That's not through my doing but through God's completely. 

Last year I was worried about everything. I was worried about Covid and the world at large. I was worried about what I was going to do when I graduated and if I was going to get my driver's license and would I be able to drive by myself when I did? I worried about everything to do with the future. It's exhausting and not a fun way to live. To worry about everything all the time. Makes it hard to live in the present. 

But I realized as I was starting to become frustrated and stressed about all the Covid and vaccine stuff and what I was going to do next year with college and jobs and stuff that I had changed. Before my thoughts went too far down those roads of worry I stopped myself and reminded myself that I don't need to worry. These worldly things happening right now are just that: they're worldly. My hope and peace doesn't depend on what's happening in the world: it depends on God. And since God is never changing and He is always reliable, sovereign and all powerful... I had nothing to worry about. 

When I think about my future and what I'm going to do, I don't worry about it as much anymore. I don't feel this pressure to figure everything out for myself because I don't need to. I'm not alone in this thing called life and neither are you. 

God has provided for me and the people around me in so many ways in 2020 and this year that I don't doubt anymore whether He'll be there or not. Whether He has everything in order for us before we even know it. 

For chronic worriers like me, it's comforting and brings so much peace to know that God is sovereign over the world and our lives. That our identities and our purposes aren't based on the world around us but on God who is above it all. 

It's taken me a long time to get to this point and a whole lot of God showing up and me seeing how perfect His timing is for me to stop those worrying thoughts in their tracks by reminding myself of all the ways He's shown up before. He's done it before and He will do it again. 

The world may feel like it's on fire. The future may feel shaky and uncertain. But God is the same through it all and He has complete control over all of it. His timing is always more perfect than anything we can ever imagine for our lives.