Singleness and Waiting

 Happy Wednesday! 

Every female Christian influencer talks about this. Their season of singleness and season of waiting. Finding content in these seasons. But I'm going to be honest here... I'm kind of tired of hearing every female Christian talk about how important it is to wait and how you should find contentment in being single. You should learn how to be happy and content by yourself. You should be fulfilled in the friendships and familial relationships you have. A romantic relationship isn't going to solve all your problems or make you a better person or make you suddenly more content. If we find complete content in God then we'll get our relationship as if God is a genie who grants our wishes as long as we check off a list of boxes. We should be focusing on our relationship with God first and foremost and not making an idol of dating or romantic relationships. 

That last one is true. I know that and I'm sure there are lots of other singles who know that too. A romantic relationship isn't going to magically make your life better or you better. Our relationship with God should be our first priority and we shouldn't make an idol of being in a relationship. 

But not a lot of them talk about how being single can be really lonely. Not having that person you text every day and think about every day. Not having a person who you can have fun with and talk to about anything. I've dated (without realizing I was on a date... I was pretty oblivious when I was younger, but really it's confusing, wishy-washy and annoying when a guy asks you to hang out instead of just coming out and saying they want to go on a date with you. How hard is it to say hey, I like you, can we go out sometime instead of asking hey, you wanna hang out? Friends hang out! Family members hang out! Come on guys...) and I've had a best friendship with a guy that felt like we were dating for a while. We weren't really dating but we were definitely something more than friends even if he wasn't willing to admit it. And then it was gone and I didn't have that anymore. It hurt a lot and it still hurts honestly almost a year later. 

Christian culture can be pretty annoying when it comes to dating and singleness. Where in the Bible does God call us to a season of singleness or a season of waiting? I can't think of a single Bible verse where God tells young men and women to be in a season of waiting and that it's wrong to actively seek out relationships. Sure, Paul says it is better for one to be single... but he also says that if being single is a stumbling block then they should get married and he never says that it's wrong to desire to be in a relationship or to be married. There's nothing wrong with that. But often times Christians make you feel bad or guilty for desiring to be in a relationship or marriage when you're single. Some Christians even frown upon others being intentionally dating with a purpose or seeking out dates You just aren't being content enough. You aren't being in the Word or in relationship with God enough. Why don't you appreciate the friendships you have? 

I'm sorry, but we can be in right relationship with God, in a really good place with Him and reading the Word every day and doing all the things... and still desire to be in a relationship or married. Still be sad or discontent with where we are. We don't need to blame God or give up aspects of our relationship with him to feel that way... sometimes we can't help it. It is lonely when you don't have any close friends to hang out. It's lonely when lose a person and you have no one to share life with in that way, no one to go out and do things with and have fun with and have deep conversations with. And that is Ok to feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with you if you are single and lonely and desiring for more than just friendships. 

And there is nothing wrong with going out and seeking out relationship. I mean, I don't believe in dating for fun. I believe in dating with a purpose. If you want to date... you should be dating to find someone to share the rest of your life with. But if you feel you are ready for that then go for it. A lot of people are using the whole season of singleness, season of waiting and waiting for God to give them "the one" as an excuse to not put themselves out there. People don't even try anymore. And I can say that with experience having gone to lots of groups this summer and over the past few years. Everyone in their twenties is involved in themselves and their own lives. It kinda feels like all of them are happy being single. Like they don't care about trying to meet new people or being in a relationship. Or they're sitting there convincing themselves that they aren't allowed to actively seek someone out because God has to deliver "the one" to them when the time is right. 

There is no "the one." I believe that "the one" for you is the one you choose. As long as they are a good Christian, godly person, has an active relationship with God and is good to you, God will bless that relationship and marriage. There are lots of "the ones" out there for you... God gives us free will to choose which one ends up being "the one" for us. And sometimes He doesn't deliver them straight into our laps. He's not going to bring them right up to your doorstep. It's Ok to go out and seek people out. It's OK to use dating apps and to go groups with people your age to meet new people and find someone. But I feel like Christian culture frowns upon that sometimes. Like you should just be happy where you are and content with what you have and if you get on a dating app or go to a college group seeking out a relationship then you're wrong and obviously discontent and impatient with God's timing. God gives us free will for a reason though. It doesn't say in the Bible that it's wrong to seek relationship and someone to get married to. 

This may sound silly but I've been thinking a lot about a particular scene in Teen Wolf. (I have a TV show/movie reference for almost any occasion in life haha) If you don't want spoilers for Teen Wolf then skip this part. But there's this scene in the show where Scott breaks up with this girl who he loved so much. They loved each other so much and were like the ultimate OTP in the show... He was heartbroken and crying with his mom there and his mom told him, I know most teenagers don't believe this, but listen to me, you fall in love more than once. I promise you, you will feel all those things and more that you felt for her with someone else. It will happen for you again. And that has stuck with me ever since I watched that scene. Not a lot of shows or books or movies give such a realistic portrayal to romance. 

I'll end with this... Singleness can feel really lonely. Even if you are fine with not being in a relationship, it's really hard now adays to find community and friends to share life with. People are so involved in their own lives, so busy with their own worries and friends they've had longer that they don't have time for new people. To cultivate new relationships. And that can be really lonely. It's Ok to feel that way. Feel that feeling and lean into God and the friendships and relationships you do have around you until that loneliness ebbs. Because with God you are never alone. He is always there. Even when you don't feel Him, He is there and He provides because He knows that He created us to have relationships and community. When I got out of that best friendship, God provided for me. He gave me three new friends who filled that gap for me during the hardest months afterward. He saw I would need community and people to fill that space and He gave it to me before I even knew I would need it. That's how I know this too shall pass. This feeling of loneliness will pass. There will be new community, new experiences, new friends and a new somebody whether it's next month or next year. He'll provide and in the meantime I'm going to do my best to seek out community. I've even thought of trying a dating app... but I'm still deciding when the right time is for that haha