Called to Tell Stories

 Happy Wednesday! 

Over the month of July I struggled with a lot of self-doubt about my writing and comparison when it comes to other writers/indie authors. I was supposed to be celebrating the release of Golden Touch and the fact that I have a book out in the world that I had been working on for a whole year! But instead I was sitting there worrying about how many sales I'm getting, if I'll get any reviews, how other indie authors seem to have way more of everything than me. More sales, more dedicated fans, more reviews. I wondered and worried about what I was doing wrong. I was jealous of other indie authors for what they had and I didn't have. I doubted whether I should keep publishing or not because what was the point if I was going to get validation for all my hard work? What was the point if I wasn't going to get lots of reviews and lots of sales? 

That kind of makes me cringe now. I didn't realize it until a few days ago, but all of a sudden over the past month a lot of posts about Christian creatives and writers came onto my feed and I think that was God's way of encouraging me to keep writing and keep going and to remind me that none of it is about my glory but His. It became all about what I get out of my writing and my publishing. It became all about success. Wanting and striving for our books and creative endeavors to do well isn't a bad thing. If you're a writer and you put your book or a blog post or short story out into the world, you want it to do well and for people to read it and like it. That's not wrong. It's also not wrong to market and advertise and do things to get your book and writings in front of the right people. 

But what is wrong is when all we think about is what we get out of it. When sales and reviews and what people think of our writing is all we think about. It becomes all about us and not enough about God who is the one who gave us the gift of writing to begin with. He created me with this gift of writing and this love of fantasy and stories. He gave that to me for a reason, to share it with others. To use my writing to encourage others and lead others back to Him. 

An author I follow on Instagram posted this week on her stories about people telling her she's cheating herself by giving all the glory to God and her response really stuck with me and convicted me. She said "I'm not cheating myself by glorifying God. First of all, He gave me those talents in the first place. If you gave someone a present and then they thanked themselves for the gift, we can all agree that would be weird right?" 

Another author I follow wrote a post about how she struggled with self-doubt and comparison in July, which I could relate to a lot because I struggled with the same things last month. But her answer wasn't to give up or wallow. It's Ok to feel those things and to know that the writing journey is hard, but she also said we have to keep answering God's call to write the stories He's given us. I had never thought of it that way. I mean I kind of had. I really do believe that He gave me stories like Golden Touch and Wayward. But reading that just made it hit me differently because she called it a calling. He calls us to write the stories He's given us. It's a calling and an act of obedience to use our gifts He's given us for His benefit and His glory. If I were to stop writing tomorrow or decided to never publish another book again because my other one's didn't live up to what I considered successful, I would not only be denying myself something that brings me joy and hope, but I would be denying a part of myself God created and I would be denying God's calling for my life and denying Him the chance to move through the books I write and publish. 

At the end of the day, would it be nice to make lots of money off my books and be super successful in the worldly sense and have lots of people rave about books and tons of reviews on Amazon? Yeah, honestly it would. But should that be what sharing stories is all about? Popularity and recognition and money? No. 

My stories and the passion I have for them goes beyond making money off them or making sure they make me popular and successful. I trust and know that God is going to use my books in some way, whether it's big or small because He wouldn't have given me this gift of writing and this desire to share my stories if He didn't plan on using it. 

That's what should come first. Answering the call to write and share my writing. To do my best to market them and advertise them and get them out to as many people as possible. But also to not sweat the small stuff. To keep publishing and keep writing even when the sales are down and the reviews are far and between. Even when no one is singing my praises because I'm not the one who needs the praise: God is for giving me the opportunities to publish these books. Some people don't have the money or the chance or the time to write or publish their books. I'm extremely blessed to have the opportunities I have to share my stories while others have to work ten times harder to do what I'm doing or don't ever get the chance at all. 

God purposefully created you with the unique talents, interests and strengths that you have so that you can freely use them for His glory and His kingdom. It's not about gaining success by the world's standards. It's about using what we have to do good and bring light into a dark world.