Perfect Timing

 Happy Wednesday! 

I sat down and wrote two paragraphs of a sort of update post because I didn't really know what else to write and as I did, I felt led to write about this instead.

Over the past few months I feel like God has shown me something really amazing. I didn't ask for it... or at least I don't remember if I did. By the end of last year I had a lot of doubts about God and the Bible and just everything. My head was so messed up about it all. How I got there is another story for another time that I would like to tell one day, but just am not ready to yet. I just remember so many times where I questioned God and I questioned the Bible and I doubted whether I was saved or not and just so many things. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. Ultimately, all that led to answers to all of my questions and deepened my faith and brought me closer to God in an amazing way. 

But you know what? God saw my doubts and He has shown me over the past five months that He is still present and He answers prayers and that His timing is perfect. Some of it isn't even in my life own. I've seen His goodness in other's lives and it's been really cool. I follow this one girl on Instagram who had a very high risk twin pregnancy. The doctors told her at the beginning that she had to terminate one baby to save the other and they refused. Watching her put so much faith in God and literally putting her babies lives in His hands was incredible. She shared a video yesterday of when she first found out about the girls and what might happen to them and in the video she never questioned God or anything. She said no matter what happens God would still be good to her and she would never doubt his goodness, she would never bargain with Him because she knew His goodness. And then watching her now have two baby girls who are living and thriving because of Him and prayers He answered just really touched me and moved me so much. 

Closer to home and more personally, God has shown up in so many ways and has shown me the fruits of waiting on Him and trusting in Him. We've been trying to get my high functioning autistic brother into a CIH home (I'll probably do a post on that this month too) since he graduated high school which has been years. CIH stands for The Community Integration and Habilitation and a CIH waiver allows a special needs adult to be in a more independent living sort of home where they have their own room and like apartment or townhouse with some assistance for their special needs. It's been a long and frustrating journey for my parents who have been fighting and advocating for him for so long to get him moved into a good situation and a good place. Well, long story short, God opened so many doors for us just in the past month. He gave us the best of a not so great situation and then just yesterday He opened yet another door and there's a high chance we'll be able to get the CIH waiver for him faster than we could have ever hoped for. And just to clarify, getting one of these waivers is extremely difficult. You have to practically pry it from the state's clenched fists. It has taken us so long, but I think of it as God waited until Nate had the best of the worst and then broke through so many barriers and went above even that so that he can get the CIH waiver. 

This is a much smaller thing too, but the college I'm going to also got put in their place by my state's attorney general and had so many complaints from students and teachers about their vaccine rules that they had to step back and loosen up everything. I wasn't too worried about it in the first place... I felt pretty strongly that if God wanted me to finish at this college He would make a way and if He didn't then that's fine too. But I just filed for my exemption today and I will be able to graduate from this college next Spring like I had planned! 

Couple all that with last year when we got our new house and how perfect God's timing was. Truly there was a situation that happened where I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't moved. It was a gift from God and came at just the right time. I also met and reconnected with some friends last year at just the right time right before I lost my best friend of many years. 

When I got my driver's license in April, I couldn't have had a better situation. I have bad driving anxiety and there was no way I would have been able to pass the test in the area I live in because of the crazy traffic and stuff. I checked the towns around us and found a slot open in a smaller town where I had been practicing in for a few weeks. The lady who did the test with me didn't make me wear my mask over my nose (I was really worried about that because it makes me super anxious and I can't breath very well with it over my nose) and she only had me be out for like five minutes because of Covid restrictions (they're only allowed to be in the car with you for like ten minutes or something like that haha). It was an overcast day. It didn't rain or snow or anything, the roads were in perfect condition. I was so worried and anxious for weeks leading up to that one day and God worked it all out perfectly. He timed it just right. Honestly, I'm not saying I loved having Covid, but last year I was able to practice on the roads and ease my driving anxiety because for a while there the roads were so empty and both my parents were home so one could watch my younger siblings and the other could take me out more than I would have been able to otherwise. 

I guess all that to say... God's timing is perfect and there's no need to doubt to Him or worry about things because He always works things out. I have a faith and trust in Him that I didn't have before this year. I worried about so much and got so anxious about the future all the time. What am I going to do when I graduate? How am I going to get a job? What sort of job? What if I never figure out how to drive by myself without having so much anxiety? There's just this open chasm yawning in front of me, especially after next Spring when I graduate. An open black void of possibilities after college and I don't know what to do with any of it. But in the past month (I would give some credit to the new anxiety/depression supplements and things I'm taking too for my sudden lack of anxious, racing thoughts about the future haha) I haven't worried about the future so much anymore. I've looked at all the things God has done and how perfect His timing is and how He keeps bringing me through the hardest things and providing and I just... don't worry so much anymore about the future. When the time is right He'll make a way for whatever comes next. 

I've come to realize that even when really hard and painful things happen, it's all a part of His plan and He makes good things come out of those bad things. Even when our plans turn upside down and life doesn't turn out the way we expected... that's alright because God has you where you need to be right now and obviously what you expected or planned for wasn't meant to be. He has far better things for you than anything you planned for. I would much rather be on God's schedule than my own because He has it all worked out already and will always open a door when His timing is right.