Here's to 23!

Happy Wednesday! 

Yesterday was my birthday! 

I love birthdays. To me, my birthday always feels like January 1st. A new year. A time to reflect on the past year and to look forward to the new one. It's exciting and scary and hopeful. 

Cus it wouldn't be a birthday post without a TVD birthday gif lol

Last year I don't think I got around to writing a birthday blog post. The day after my birthday, the world went nuts. That was the week when the toilet paper shortage started, the week where the president called a nation wide emergency. Pretty much, the week of my 22 birthday turned out to be the start of a very hard and crazy and upside down year for everyone. My birthday didn't really got the way I had wanted it to. I'll always remember us going out to Panera and Barnes and Nobles and how tense the atmosphere felt. Everyone seemed on edge with a potential virus looming. I was anxious for a lot of the rainy, cloudy day.

It's crazy to think of how much of a difference a year can make. I was telling my mom a while ago how I felt like I always started a new year thinking things will be different and exciting things will happen and then at the end of the year... nothing has really changed and I'm still where I was when I started. I was feeling stuck and in the same old rut. My mom was like, well look at 2020. 2020 proves that big things can happen and things can change by the end of a year... even if it's not necessarily in a good way. And that was... the most oddly encouraging way to look at 2020 that I've ever heard. 2020 changed a whole lot, maybe not for the better, but it's proof that life isn't stagnant. Life changes and grows and so do we. 

But anyways, this post isn't supposed to be all about 2020 and being 22 because I'm now 23! I'm in a very different situation than I was when I turned 22, which again is oddly encouraging even if the change in situation has been hard. Within the 22nd year of my life I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced such a season of pruning. Besides the world turning upside down and so much I took for granted being taken away, my family moved to a new house, we left the church we were going to and found a new one, I left the small group I’ve been going to for years after realizing that I was staying only out of comfortableness and familiarity. I also had to let go of a best friendship that I thought would last forever. 

Not all of that was good... but not all of it was bad either. 

And now here I am at 23. I learned how to drive! I plan to take the driving test and (hopefully!!) pass and get my license. I want to gain the confidence to be able to drive a car by myself without someone in the passenger seat (my anxious self is like yaaa nah, I don't think so, at even the mention of doing that haha It's a work in progress haha). God blessed us with a new home in a new neighborhood. I've met some new amazing friends and am going to a new church and a new small group that makes me feel alive and closer to God than my old one. In December I'll graduate and have my Bachelors degree. I wrote four books of a five book series! I've had my first ever flash fiction published by an actual publisher. I give it all to God. Even in the midst of feeling depressed and going through a year like 2020, God is still so good in His providing and in His compassion and blessings. He's gotten me through so much and He will get me through this new season too. 

As I look forward, I know that God will move and use me in new and exciting ways. Just two months ago, I told Him that He was going to have to exceed my every low expectation for this year. I've gone into 2021 with little hope that anything good will come out of it. But as I step into 23, I know He will exceed my expectations. I just have to trust Him and have faith that He will. 

I want my 23rd year to be full of endurance, to be full of the fruits of the Spirit and for me (and others) to be able to look back on this year and see growth and change in my relationship with God. I don’t want to look back on so many situations and cringe and think... I could have handled that better. I know I’ll mess up and there will be those moments, but I’m praying God will help me so that there will be less of those moments. More than anything I just want to grow more deeply in relationship and love with my God. To ask the hard questions and sit with the uncertainty with God and let Him do a work in me through that. I want to look back and see how I clung to God in the struggles and praised Him in the beauty. To get to look back next year on March 9th and see all the ways God moved and used me. That's what I want out of 23. Just to be closer to Him, to know Him more deeply, to be used for His glory. 

Also, because I don't show myself often (or at all on here) I thought I'd share some pictures from yesterday. I also love that this blog is kind of like a diary to me. I can look back on specific days and read what I was thinking about that week and I was thinking how cool it would be to look back and see some pictures of certain days too. So here they are: 

Got a mermaid kind of themed cake! So pretty! And it had white chocolate pieces! 

Had some Mandalorian themed decorations 

Went and saw Chumley the tortuous 

Went to Panera for lunch 

Then went to Bibibop for dinner! Yum! 

Got this beautiful and awesome book at Barnes and Nobles!