You Know Better than I

Happy Wednesday! 

So, have you guys ever watched the Prince of Dreams movie? The one about Joseph? I'm just going to be honest, that movie and the Prince of Egypt movie gets me every single time. Those movies make me tear up and they make me feel so many feelings every time I watch them. Anyways, so two Sundays ago the pastor was preaching about the life of Joseph and how it wasn't until Joseph had been sold into slavery to Potiphar that God was first mentioned in his story. It said the Lord was with Joseph when he was sold to Potiphar and again it said the Lord was with him when he was wrongfully accused and imprisoned. His whole sermon was about how God is with us. As long as we have breath in our lungs, no matter our circumstances - good or bad - He is with us. I wrote a whole other post (really it's just a really long rant about how God is with us in everything we do) and maybe one of these days I'll share that, but today I want to talk about something that isn't in the Bible, but is in the movie about Joseph. This week, after hearing a sermon about Joseph I went to rewatch the Dreamworks movie and then afterwards I looked up the actual story of Joseph in the Bible to see what the movie changed or missed. 

In the Bible when Joseph is imprisoned it says in Genesis 39 that, "But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden." So Joseph was in charge of all the other prisoners by the warden, the warden never had to worry about anything because Joseph was so good at his job. That's what happened in the Bible. The movie portrays his time in prison a little differently. Joseph was locked up and after the two prisoners who had the dreams he interpreted left, he was left completely alone and during that time he lashed out at God. He was full of anger toward God for allowing this to happen to him. But after he had lashed out and let his anger get the best of him, he saw this little twig of a tree one of the prisoners had been watering during his time there. The movie enters a very moving music montage of Joseph watering the tree, nursing it back to health. There's so much reasons I love this part of the movie. I could go on and on about it, but what I want to talk about is the song. If you haven't listened to Better than I from this movie, you need to go look it up and listen to it right now. Those lyrics hit me so hard and spoke to me so much this week. 

For a long time now I've been worried about my future. Worried that I'll never get my drivers' license, worried that I'll never figure out what I want to do to make money (because unless you're an Amazon bestseller, book publishing does not give you a steady income). I'm only a few semesters away from graduating with my Bachelors degree and while I'm excited, I'm also worried because I don't know what I'm going to do after that. Do I keep going and get my Masters? Do I keep my Bachelors and do... something with it when I graduate? What comes next feels like a blank page and I'm going to be honest, I hate blank pages. Not always in my writing, but always in my life. I like having goals and plans and something to work toward. I like to know what's going to happen before it happens. But right now, I've got no idea where I'm going. I feel like I'm blindly stumbling through a dark forest trying to find my way onto a path. 

Maybe there are some other college students who could relate? You're getting near to the end of that degree and your time in college and that little itch of anxiety is starting to get to you. People have been asking you for ages what you're going to do after college. They just expect you to know, to have a concrete, solid plan. But what happens when you honestly don't know? When you have no plan at all? And even worse, when you keep asking God for a plan, for guidance way in advance and He... isn't answering you. There's no ta-da moment. No big red door hanging in front of you waiting for you to finish that degree and step inside. 

The part of the song that spoke into this need - this desire - to know right now (waaay in advance, I mean it's only January and I don't graduate till December and yet I expect God to show up and give me an answer for what I'm going to do in 2022!) goes like this: 

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

 

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing "I don't know"

Is part of getting through

 

I tried to do what's best

But faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is to put my trust in You

https://lyricstranslate.com

Man, just reading that hits me hard. Especially the lyrics "I've let go of the need to know why for You know better than I" and "maybe knowing 'I don't know' is part of getting through." 

Maybe knowing I don't know is part of getting through. Maybe I need to let go of the need to know why certain things have happened in my life, why God hasn't shared His master plan for me right now. I feel like those lyrics speak for themselves. I don't know if I have anything I could add to those because they're so meaningful and powerful in their own right. 

But what they showed me is that I'm asking for things that I'm not ready for yet. I'm demanding things unfold on my timing, not God's. I want too know why and when and how and where right now instead of saying, "you know what God? I don't know. I don't know what You have in store for me. I don't know what the rest of 2021 will be like and I don't know what I'll be doing at the end of this year. Maybe I will still not know in December or maybe throughout the course of this year You will slowly reveal things to me. I don't know. But I do know whatever happens will be good and it will prosper me and not harm me, I know it will be for Your kingdom and Your glory." I need to embrace, I don't know and know that it is Ok not to know. When people ask us what we want to do with the rest of our lives, the world expects us to have a concrete and definite answer. But you know what? I'm (very slowly) learning that it's Ok to say I don't know. I will figure it out when I get there, but right now I'm busy being right here where my feet are. 

That's where the faith and trust part of the song comes in. When you say I don't know, you're saying I don't know but I trust God to know and I have faith that He will make a way and reveal the way for me when the time is right. 

So, if you feel like you're wandering blindly through a forest with no clue where you're going and no path in sight or you feel like the future seems so uncertain and blank, it's OK to not know. Be present, be where God has you right here and right now. Let tomorrow worry about itself because Your God has a plan for you. A plan to prosper you and not to harm you. A plan to give you a hope and a future.