August: A Month of Starting

Happy Wednesday!

When I thought of what I should write in August the word that came to mind and stuck was "starting." I'm not sure why... Maybe because we're moving into a new house and that feels kind of like starting something new. Maybe because one of my closest friend's is having a wedding and weddings are the start of a new season of life for those two people. Maybe because August starts the beginning of the last five months of the year and I've been thinking a lot about how I can start something new to make the most of the last five months of 2020. I'm starting the Fall semester with new classes this month and I'm starting (and trying) something new this month with this blog. I picked a theme to write about for the entire month of August on here. This little challenge I put forth for myself was inspired by Hannah Brencher announcing her themes for her Monday Club for the next five months of the year. I love Hannah Brencher and I thought it was a cool idea that she picks out a theme for each month and writes about that theme. It feels flexible enough to me to not feel caged in and yet rigid enough for me not to get overwhelmed by not knowing what to write about each week.

I prayed about it and pondered it and have been thinking about ways I can use my blog in a deeper, more meaningful way. This is a thought for another time, but I've felt God pressing in on me through the month of July to steward what He's given me better. To use my gifts and my platform (no matter how small it is) for His glory. I'm sure I have other gifts, but honestly the only one that I know I have for sure is writing. I've wanted to use my writing for Him in some way, shape or form for years but it never felt like the right time. Maybe I just wasn't ready or in the right place quite yet. To use Buffy's cookie dough analogy, maybe I was cookie dough that wasn't done cooking yet. I don't think I'll ever be done cooking in the oven that is life, but maybe this year there was just enough heat and enough pressure to bake me in just the right way for me to be ready to move forward. But now I feel ready to move forward. July was sort of a test to see what God could do with my writing and this blog... and He did some big things. I've never felt so happy and fulfilled and excited about this blog than I was in July when so many people reached out and said how my posts touched them, encouraged them or challenged them in some way, shape or form. I got a lot of affirmation from a lot of different sources (all of which I believe came from God) throughout July, pointing me toward continuing to use this blog for more than just writing updates. I've had this desire for years, since I can remember, to use my writing for God, to share encouragement, joy and God's Word and I think this is the start of doing that.

Ever since I signed up for the Monday Club by Hannah Brencher and the Tuesday Letters by Grace Anne last year, I felt this stirring inside me to do something similar. I'd really love to put out a weekly newsletter like they do. To send my words straight to someone's inbox and make their day the way the Monday Club and Tuesday Letters has made my Mondays and Tuesdays a little better throughout this year. I don't think I'm quite there yet though... I don't want to overextend or exhaust myself. I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I get super excited about a new project or a new idea and jump head first into it and then many times end up dropping it because I either wasn't ready or have exhausted myself and am burnt out. I don't want to do that with this. This, whatever this is, is too important to jump in without thinking, to burn out and lose steam. I want this to last, I want this to be something, to grow into something. I really think this is something God has placed in my heart and I want to nurture it and let Him lead in His own timing. So, for now, whatever this is, is going to stay on my blog... Maybe in the next few months or next year I'll feel up to a weekly newsletter, but for now this little corner of the internet will have to do.

So, this month, August 2020 is going to be about starting. I'm nervous to do this because August is going to be such a busy month and once classes start I always sort of get too busy and the blog falls to the side. But I guess that's part of the reason why I'm challenging myself to stick to a theme, so that I don't lose sight of what the feeling I got in July and what I want to do with this blog. I'm nervous that I won't know what to write about or won't be able to keep to this theme... But I'm giving my words and this blog over to God right now. He didn't let me down the entire month of July. Every blog post I wrote on here was unplanned. I wrote most all of them at ten thirty at night before I went to bed, one or two them literally the day before Wednesday when I needed to have a post. I prayed every week leading up to Wednesday for God to give me something, to use me and my writing to speak through this blog. And He showed up every time. So, I guess I shouldn't be worried... He'll show up again this month and use me and my writing just like He did in July.

This whole post, or at least the last paragraph, just sort of proves how nerve wracking starting something new can be. If you're anything like me change or starting something new is scary and uncomfortable and not fun at all. I equally love challenging myself and hating the newness and change of challenging myself because challenges almost always come with starting something new or some sort of change. Honestly, I'm not sure if I've learned how to accept how hard starting something new is quite yet. I'm equal parts excited and anxious to move into a new house, to start a new semester, to start this new thing on my blog. But I'm determined to not let my nervousness or anxiety stop me from doing something that I feel I need to do. For August I'm deciding to press into my nervousness, to move through it and do the thing anyways. What's the point in living life if you never take any chances or start something new even if it sounds crazy or feels impossible?

Let's be nervous to move forward, whether you're starting something new or just trying to get through August and the next few months and do the thing or keep going anyways. Risk, challenges and starting something new without being able to see too far ahead is worth the nervousness and anxiety. It always pays off in the end to try something new whether it pans out or not. You still learned something, still tried something and at the end of it you can either say wow I did that! It was even better than I thought it would be. Or you can say hey I learned something and I grew during it and I tried and next time I'll either try again or try something different. No matter how it pans out, it's worth trying something new and stepping forward in blind trust.

What are you planning to start in August? A new book? A new writing project? Some other sort of project or something else entirely?