Restarting

Happy Wednesday! 

Last August a word that wouldn't leave me alone was starting. I wrote a blog post every week with the theme of starting behind it during that month. August was the start of the last five months of 2020 and for some reason, for me, that felt significant. I was starting my Fall semester, I was working on Unearthed and preparing for that to be published by December. My family and I were moving into a new house that month. The word starting felt right for that month. Even though we only moved less than ten minutes away from where we originally lived, something inside of me felt like it was more significant than just stepping into a new house. Since August I've felt like I'm stepping into something new. The last five months of 2020, I've felt not quite ready. Like I was balancing on the edge between one season and the next. 

I could feel and see God setting up and shifting a lot of pieces in my life, and since then, a lot of it has come to fruition. He changed and shifted my life radically in those last five months of 2020. More than I could have ever imagined. All of it in His timing and for the best, but some of it very hard to swallow and move through. I don't know if I'll ever fully have the right words to express how much God changed my life and my mind and my heart in 2020 - especially in those last five months. 

Anyways, the word that came back to me this month as we start a new year is starting. A new year is starting something new. It's stepping into a new year with faith and trust that over the next 365 days God will continue to show up and continue to do a work in our hearts. Starting a new year means looking forward at the 365 days and trusting that God will lead us in new ways to further his Kingdom and for us to find new ways to worship Him in our every day lives. 

When I wrote those words on starting, I said it was scary and hard, but I had no idea how scary or hard it could be until now. From the outside, I don't think my life has changed that much. But I feel like I'm starting 2021 in a wildly different place than I did at the start of 2020. 

I think a lot of us are feeling that way. 2020 did a number to all of us in different ways. We changed and we grew and we stretched and for some of us, we've found ourselves as almost completely different people this January than we were last January. Maybe you feel that way or maybe you feel like you're starting something new this year too. Maybe you're going into the new year having lost people who you were close to, maybe you're going into the new year with a new purpose and a changed perspective. Maybe you're moving into the new year lost and tired and with barely any hope that 2021 will be better. I've gotta say, I've flip-flopped between being excited about the new year and being heartbroken and tired and barely able to scrape together enough excitement to get through the day. 

No matter where you're at, whether you're riding the highest mountain or walking in the lowest valley, there's one thing that all of us have in common: God is with us. He wasn't surprised by a single thing in 2020 and He used 2020 to reveal so much to us, to refine our lives. Refining is hard work. It's not fun or easy. It often hurts at the time and is sad and scary, but then after? After the refining is finished you come away smooth and shiny and better than you were before. He refined us last year, preparing us this year. Everything that happened in 2020 has a purpose and I believe that that purpose is for us to better be able to share and show the love of Jesus in this year and the coming years. I don't know how or when the things you went through in 2020 will be used for that purpose, but I do know they will at some point. 

God will redeem and show His glory through every hard thing you've gone through. It may not be immediate, but it will happen. 

I can say this week that the start of the year was rocky, but I feel ready to move forward. I'm excited to keep going, to see what the Lord has for me this year and for the coming years. I'm ready to restart and start new this year. 

Step into 2021 with trust and confidence that God will show up this year no matter how uncertain or scary the future looks.